Some Dreams are Worth Clinging to

    When I was younger I had a lot of different things that I wanted to be when I grew up.  My parents still think it's pretty funny that I used to say "when I grow up to be a man".  I guess it must have looked like more fun to be like my dad and fly airplanes, than to be my mom and cook and sew.  But the one thing I remember 'Dreaming' of was that I wanted to be a "Monkey Trainer!"  I wished for a monkey every chance I got; birthdays, shooting stars, wish bones (that I rarely won anyway), begged Santa for a monkey, prayed for a monkey....for years.  Seriously.  I can even remember when we moved to Nebraska there weren't many big trees, except for around some of the corn fields.  I would take my note pad and pencil, and go sit on the edge of the corn field and watch the trees, so I could study the monkeys and their behavior.  "Journal entry #73... 'No monkeys today.  Maybe tomorrow.'"  The only autograph I remember ever being excited about was Jane Goodall (I might still have it)....I know, right!? Who's that?...look her up, she was my hero.  So every Christmas after being as good as I possibly could, and wishing and praying, I would wake up hoping that this was finally the year that my mom would finally understand how important it was to me, and just how responsible I really was, and that she would get me a "real live monkey."  Sometimes I got my hopes up really high when there was a big box, cuz that would be the cage of course.  Well, every year my mom did get me a monkey, a stuffed Monkey.  I remember thinking, "well, maybe she doesn't think I'm ready for it yet."  But I still truly believed someday.....someday.
     I never got my monkey.  But, Heavenly Father didn't let all those prayers go unanswered.  He sent me 8 kids. 7 of them boys! (some of them are almost as hairy as a real monkey)  I am a Monkey Trainer!!!!!! :)  Yes, my prayers were answered in a way that was a little different and only slightly more socially acceptable.  I'm not trying to be too spiritual about this, but I really think Heavenly Father understood what my true desires were.  I had just wrapped those desires neatly into a monkey shaped package, so that's what I prayed for.

  Now that I have these kiddos, and my life is way more than I could have dreamed up or hoped for myself, I don't wish for a pet monkey anymore.  Nor do I want to "grow up to be a man."  My dreams have now changed into a bit of a Darwinistic dream....  Now I dream about raising and training these 'monkeys' up to be great MEN! (and of course Danja to be an amazingly strong and capable woman)  So I guess I believe in evolution in a way. A way that means my rascally kids can evolve into amazing, kind, productive, and good people.  But my kind of 'evolution' doesn't happen on its own, or by chance...there is totally an element of survival of the fittest though. :)
   In a way I have given up a dream of working with monkeys in a zoo, although that title would apply here often.  But, on the other hand it sure seems like I didn't have to let go of the parts that I was really attached to, like getting cuddles from a big strong baby that loves me, or playing and wrestling around, or teaching them skills and silly tricks.  I still get those parts.  Around here lately we have been confronted head on with what seems to be a loss of some dreams.  Ricky dreamed of playing high school basketball, and other sports.  Rick dreamed of ways to put together a team and coach his son, and was even dreaming of taking him to Germany again to be part of their national youth basketball program.  It has been really hard to lose those dreams.  But now when I try to put it all into words, I don't think that those experiences or opportunities that are lost add up to a loss of a dream.   Ricky's dream isn't just about high school ball, it's about college and professional basketball and more.  It's about having something that people love and admire you for, and being able to be an influence for good and make a difference in people's lives, and provide well for his family.  He just has it packaged neatly in a basketball shaped package.  Rick's dream to coach his boy and teach him the lessons that he has learned is also wrapped in a basketball shaped package.  But I truly believe that dream is more about teaching a young man life lessons and raising him up to be a great man, than it is about basketball.  Basketball is just a vehicle and a stage for those lessons, goals and miracles and victories to happen.
    That is why Heavenly Father is so awesome!  If we have truly righteous desires, he will grant them to us.  It might not be packaged neatly how we hope or expect.  Sometimes it comes in a much better package than could be anticipated.  Ricky's dream is still there it is just that the answer to his prayers came packaged differently than expected.  It is his choice to see it as a lost dream, or as an opportunity to dream greater dreams.  Not to say that basketball is lost forever, but Leukemia is the 'stage' right now.  Cancer is the vehicle for those lessons and miracles that Rick has wanted him to learn and experience.  Ricky has a chance to be loved, admired, an influence for good and make a difference in peoples' lives much sooner than he was expecting.  The lessons he learns now will help build that amazing man Rick and I have always wanted him to be.
   Some dreams are definitely worth clinging to more than others.  I feel myself clinging to my children's dreams now.  I am so thankful though, that Heavenly Father has greater dreams, and amazing ways of making those dreams come true.  I'm excited to see how he can help me fulfill my dream of "when I grow up to [raise] a man."  Hopefully, a beautiful amazing woman, and 7 Strong and wonderful men.
   I had to laugh recently when I was looking through some of the classified ads and there truly was a monkey for sale.  I wished I could just borrow it for a day, to watch the surprise on my mom's face....or even the panic on my husband's face.  Hahaha.  Poor guy wouldn't put it past me.